When I turned 37 I wished for health for my birthday which in hind-site was like hoping to win the lottery without buying a ticket. My health wish was followed a few months later with a brain tumour, which isn’t all that healthy. Fast forward a year and a bit and the tumour is gone but my health is still a little dodgy. I love sugar, alcohol and carbs, and I am not a big fan of exercise.
Last year as in the start of 2015 I made the resolution to get healthy and I started exercising which is what led me to the brain tumour diagnosis. I am laying it all on the line by telling you that I started the “Bikini Body Mommy Challenge”. I can hear you laughing from here, don’t spit your coffee all over your electronic device. By workout number 2 I was lying flat on my back (it wasn’t part of the exercise regime). I experienced a pain in my head that was blinding. Which I now know was Timmy the tumour telling me that he wasn’t going to let me exercise.
For the 8 long months pre-surgery I limited my exercise to walking, lots and lots of walking. I threw in a reduced sugar, carb and alcohol diet. For the record it was my neurosurgeon’s suggestion to limit alcohol not mine, unless I am growing a tiny human alcohol and I are BFF’s. Post surgery I ate like I have never seen food and un did all my pre-surgery healthy habits. But I also learned how fast muscles atrophy from the 6 days stint I did in the hospital. My calves have never been so small (read jiggly).
Here I am now tumour free and recovered. I started the “Bikini Body Mommy Challenge” again (I can still hear you laughing) and have successfully made it past workout 10. I told my husband about my plans before I started and this is how the conversation went.
Me: I started that bikini body thing again, you know the one I tried last year
him: uh, hun
Me: it’s 90 days long, that’s a long time
him: you realize that fitness and being healthy is really a life long thing right (says the guy who goes to the gym everyday).
Me: oh crap (I know he’s right, just don’t tell him that)
He gave a rather short lecture (because he doesn’t ever say much) on the importance of exercising our aging bodies and the importance of strength. I know that this is not optional, if I want to be healthy I actually need to act, not just hope or wish. I am committed to the exercise daily and have reduced my carb intake substantially to one donut a day (just kidding, no donuts) but the alcohol stays.
Wish me luck on this 90 day (78 days left but who is counting) fitness challenge. If you want a good laugh come by any day around 4 I will be attempting my exercises with my trainers aged 3 and 6. One rolls on the ground by my feet and the other constantly yells “look at me mommy” while attempting to follow along. It’s a full on shit show and I am the star (at least most days).
P.S. Laughter is the best medicine. I hope you burned a few calories reading my post.
I received a call the other day from the neurosurgeon’s office about my MRI results after waiting nearly a month. I rarely have the ringer of my phone on so I missed the call. I was sitting getting my hair done (the old lady that lives at my hairline was back with a vengeance) when I checked the message. All I can say is that I have a tremendous sense of relief.
Timmy was fully evicted. The surgery was a success. No extra pieces of him are floating around in my brain. No subsequent tumours were found. My brain has “bounced” back to fill the void that was left from Timmy’s eviction. All that is left is a perfectly healthy brain. Fan_freaking_tastic. My next MRI will be in three years. My surgeon had told me as much after surgery but I didn’t fully believe him. Somehow knowing that someone else looked at a picture of my brain and they say that it’s all good makes all the difference.
Thank you to all of the good tax payers in Canada who have been funding my medical journey, I am going to stop spending your money now! My brain is as good as new.
Now on to the next adventure with my healthy brain.
P.S. I also have received all of my marks from last semester which was my first semester without Timmy and it turns out that I am smarter (at least in post-secondary education) without a brain tumour. Go figure. 😉 That bastard Timmy was dragging down my GPA.
I have been celebrating a New Year and a new start daily since I had surgery to remove a brain tumour. But with the coming of the new year I still made a resolution.
When I was a kid my house was filled with music. No one actually had any musical talent, so it wasn’t filled with piano melodies or anything like that. More like constant classic rock blasting out of the speakers all day and night. My dad would turn on the stereo when he got up in the morning, and it stayed on until he went to bed each night. It didn’t matter if anyone was home to listen to the music, it played on.
He had an extensive record collection which was replaced with tapes and then CD’s and now his Ipod. He is musically obsessed to the extent that when he comes to visit me he brings his own speaker so that he can listen to music at my house.
Just after I was diagnosed with a brain tumour I couldn’t listen to music. I was interpreting every song as sad, and it was depressing. I asked my brother who inherited my fathers musical appreciation to make me CD’s of happy music, and my husband obliged as well with a happy playlist.
At some point when CD’s stopped being the method of listening and collecting music I stopped filling my house with music. When we first had kids the CD player got broken (that button that made the CD tray go in and out was so tempting to little fingers) and that was it, music died in our house. It has been my wish to get our house wired with speakers in every room so that when you move from room to room the music is already there waiting to welcome you to the next space. That has yet to happen, but the next best thing did.
For Christmas this year my husband bought me a pair of wireless speakers which we can add to over time. My resolution this New Year is to listen to music every day intentionally because it calms me and makes me happy. Whatever your New Years resolutions are I hope that they also make you happy.
It’s been 4 months since I had a craniotomy and it’s time to have a peek inside my brain. I feel like this is the moment of truth. Although my neurosurgeon claims that he got every last bit of Timmy the tumour, I still have a little fear that he missed a piece. When he told me about the surgery and how he had to slice and dice the tumour to get it out of the hole they drilled in my skull, I worry that maybe one of those little bits went rogue and is floating around in my head just waiting to create havoc.
Today I am going for a tube ride also known as an MRI to see the inner workings of my brain. The MRI creates images with magnets so of course another small worry of mine is what if the metal plate or the screws that are affixed to my skull aren’t titanium. What if by accident they used steel and that sucker is going to get ripped out of my head. I told my husband who is an aerospace engineer and he said that it’s not possible to pull screws out of bone with a magnet, but he builds planes so the jury is still out on that one. Maybe I will get an earth magnet and try see if it sticks to my head.
The last time I had an MRI I was nervous about the process and having my head clamped in the helmet device. It was a piece of cake except for the pain I felt in my tooth with the metal post and cap. Today I am hoping for no pain, no tumour and some good music!
Woo hoo, I made it to level 38. For the past number of years I didn’t celebrate my birthday. I was aging and apparently that was a problem. Since my run in with Timmy the brain tumour I am overjoyed to be a little older than I was yesterday. So today and everyday I am celebrating life.
On the aging front the little old lady that lives in my hairline will still be having her 6 week visit with my hair dresser. Even though I maybe 38 I don’t want the flowing grey locks of someone twice my age.
Last year after I blew out my candles my oldest said “I know what your wish was.” He told me that he though I wished that my husband and I didn’t get a divorce. It broke my heart and surprised me too. I am not sure where he came up with that one as there were no signs that it was going to happen. I didn’t wish for a happy marriage, I actually wished for good health. Isn’t that a kick in the you now what. I did get finally get my wish but only after some trauma in the health department.
So this year I learned my lesson and I am not wishing for health. This year I am wishing to win the lottery, we will see how I make out with that one ;).
Yesterday marked our fifth wedding anniversary. We were married on the beach in Mexico which is where I would like to be right now. It’s grey and rainy and it will be for the next few months. An escape to some where hot and sunny would be very welcome.
This was a rather tough year for us. I became unemployed, went back to school as a graduate student, was diagnosed with a brain tumour and had a craniotomy. That is a lot of changes for a marriage to endure in a short period of time. Throw two little kids into the mix and it could have been a recipe for marriage disaster. BUT it wasn’t. Thankfully we figured out how to hold it all together and end up in a better spot than we were a year ago.
The “in sickness and in health” part of our marriage vows were really tested this year. A test that I ignorantly thought wouldn’t happen until we were much older. My husband was amazing throughout the brain tumour process. He remained calm and when I though my world was going to crumble. He held it all together, he never wavered, and most importantly he never lost faith that everything would be OK. I asked him often if he was scared and all he would ever say was “not yet”. His strength gave me tremendous strength which I am very grateful for. I understand now when someone makes reference to another person “as their rock”. I get it, I have one. This year was a big test and I am proud to report that we passed.
To celebrate five years of marriage we managed to escape overnight without the kids. We have the most amazing babysitter/friend on the planet who came and stayed with the kids. We spent the day at the spa and then ate the most amazing dinner, and enjoyed the quiet of the oceanview suite. The fifth anniversary is wood, and we were staying in a log cabin, sleeping in a bed carved from tree branches. If that isn’t enough wood I made this Christmas tree decoration as a present for my husband. Confused he asked if he was supposed to wear it around his neck and I was like “who do you think you are Mr.Tee?” It is made from a tree branch from our yard with string that was used on our wedding invitations. It isn’t the most glamorous gift I have ever given but it’s the thought that counts.
I ran and just to clarify no one was chasing me. Running might not seem like a big deal but 8 weeks post brain surgery it is. Running was the last thing on my post craniotomy “to do” list. My brain tumour issues started over Christmas break 2014 when I got sharp pains in my head from an increase in blood pressure. Running was one of the few things that my doctors suggested that I didn’t do when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. As a result it has been 9 months since I have been running or done any form of vigorous physical activity. Running had been my only form of exercise because it’s free, easy and fast. We were given a treadmill so it’s both free and convenient. I don’t have to arrange childcare to exercise, and I can run at any time.
When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour I stopped exercising. In truth when I got diagnosed I stopped doing everything but as the weeks progressed I started getting back into my old routines. Exercise was a struggle and I started packing on the pounds. So my husband and I changed our eating habits to compensate. Eating clean helped and I walked and things were under control. Then I went in for surgery and for 4 weeks post surgery I didn’t do much in the way of exercise. The first few days in the hospital I couldn’t eat, but then I was starving. My logic was that my body was healing from a pretty invasive surgery and if I was hungry I would eat. I wasn’t eating grass clipping (salad) though, I was eating whatever I wanted. The weight that I had lost before surgery had crept its way back during my recovery. I went to my GP after 4 weeks and was told to hold off on the running until I saw the neurosurgeon. I saw my surgeon 8 weeks post surgery and he said to try running and see how I feel.
In truth I was a little scared to try running again. What if I got dizzy, fell and hurt myself? I am a little worried about bumping my head now. But I ran anyway. I ran for 10 minutes stopped and cried. Not because my head hurt, not because I was dizzy but because I did it. Running marked the END. I completed everything on my post surgery to do list. I have come full circle and I am back at a new beginning.
P.S when I run now I don’t cry. I just run and watch Netflix :).
I picked my three year old up from preschool last week and they had just finished a thanksgiving project about what they are thankful for. I couldn’t help but laugh when I read his response. He is thankful for the snacks in the snack box. I supposed that I am thankful for the snacks in the snack box too, especially around 3 in the afternoon. But I wouldn’t say that the snacks in the snack box are at the top of my list.
I can’t help think how different my “Thanksgiving List” is this year. Last year at this time I didn’t even know I had a brain tumour. Now here I am 9 weeks post surgery. Here is my top ten things I am thankful for this year.
I am thankful:
to be alive and healthy without a brain tumour
that it was me with the brain tumour and not my kids or my husband
that my husband took the “in sickness and in health” part of our marriage vows to heart. We pulled each other through this brain tumour fiasco together.
for my kids because even on the bad days they gave me a reason to get my crap together
my neurosurgeon’s steady hands
that neither Timmy or the neurosurgeon did any permanent damage to my brain
for my parents who took care of the kids and the house so that all I had to do was get better, and all my husband had to do was take care of me
for my family, friends and blog readers for the guidance, free childcare, meal-train meals, cards, gifts, flowers, prayers and support you all rock
that a brain tumour cost me a grand total of $33.00 ($8.00 for the drugs my drug plan didn’t cover and $25.00 in parking at the hospital for the week so my family could come and visit me)
plus all of the things that I am thankful for every year
In July I saw a call for artists for a Brain Cancer/Tumour art show. The deadline to register for the show was the day that I was supposed to have brain surgery (July 31) I of course saw it as a sign. I can convince myself that almost anything is a sign such as a Monk on a cell phone in McDonald’s parking lot. One morning I woke up with an idea, I reached over grabbed my sketchbook from beside the bed (blew off the dust) and got drawing. I could visualize my emotional brain tumour journey in paper and colour. This is my sketch.
I have written about my brain tumour experience and shared some details that I know some people think are intimate. I never felt as though I was divulging too much of myself, I was totally comfortable with the words and pictures I used. But showing this piece is much more difficult because it’s like showing my soul. I feel naked, exposed and raw. At the same time it was really what I needed. I needed to get those emotions out and have a good look at what I went though. I am a visual person I needed to see the journey.
I am sharing because creating is how I deal with everything. I was planning on making this piece for my recovery time, I needed a focus and a creative outlet. Often I am making to distract myself from reality, or to feel a sense of accomplishment. In this case I am blatantly dumping out my emotions onto paper.
After surgery on August 7th I began working on this piece as part of my recovery process. I finished it just before the September 10th deadline. The timing of this exhibition was perfect for me. I am so thankful that this show was happening at this time it gave me the inspiration to create.
Climbing a Mountain was inspired by my recent brain tumour experience. On March 18, 2015 I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Through the use of paper I depict the emotional journey of being diagnosed, living with and having surgery to remove a meningioma brain tumour. The journey starts in the bottom right of the piece and travels along the white path of hope past depression (grey/blue), fear (black), anger (red) and anxiety (yellow). The seven black 2.9 cm paper circles represent the hours spent in surgery and the size of the tumour removed.
This piece will be on display at the “Brain Cancer Got Me Thinking” exhibit which runs from October 7-13 at the Visual Space Gallery in Vancouver. A preview of the show is available here.
Today, October 1 kicks off the first day of Brain Tumour month in Canada. Last year at this time I was oblivious to brain tumours. This year is a totally different story. I have been living 8 weeks without Timmy the brain tumour!! Yesterday I had what I hope was my last appointment with my neurosurgeon. He confirmed once again that he got all of the tumour and it wasn’t cancer. Even though I have heard it before it’s still pretty exciting news. The chances of regrowth are very slim.
I have noticed a rather odd side effect to the surgery. Occasionally I struggle with spelling. This is probably not even something that I would have noticed if I wasn’t writing assignments for graduate school. Every once in a while I struggle to get the letters in the right order. It’s been so bad that I couldn’t figure out the second letter in a word that I should know how to spell, so spell check and google are no help to me. Words with c’s and x’s are particularly troublesome. If I am still having an issue spelling after Christmas I will have to go back and see the doctor. Aside from the fact that I won’t be winning a spelling bee anytime soon I don’t think that it will have much of an effect on my studies.
The only thing left on my to try after surgery list is running. It is what got me into this mess to begin with. Because my brain is still healing inside running can cause dizziness or nausea. My surgeon said to give it a try and see how I feel, so I am going to give it a shot. I am still slowly regaining feeling in my ear and the area around the scar. My scar is healing well and my hair is growing back. I think at this point its pretty safe to say that I have recovered, hooray!! Don’t tell my husband though because then he might stop cleaning the bathrooms.