Making A Life

Technically I am having a piece of my skull removed and a brain invader chopped out but emotionally I am losing my mind. Three weeks today and I will be happily drugged in ICU with a hole the size of a toonie in my head, and a metal plate keeping my brain in. I can feel the panic attack brewing just thinking about it.

I threw a tantrum today, just like a toddler. Not one of my proudest moments that’s for sure. I was attempting to study for exams which is an overly ambitious goal on the best of days with two little loud boys at home. It’s been months since the end of the semester and here I am in the middle of July trying to get my course work complete before Timmy is removed. I am having a bit of a hard time remembering the course content all of these months later. It’s really hot in my office (we are having an unseasonably warm summer and no air conditioning). I have chosen to keep the window in the office closed because my husband is smoking a cigar right below it. It’s a sauna in the office on the best of days but the end of the day is unbearable with full sun all afternoon. I have been packing up and moving to the coffee shop in the evenings but this course requires so much stuff I need a suitcase to get there. The kids are fighting, screaming and crying (all very normal behaviour for them) and surprise surprise I have a headache.

I yelled, stomped and packed up my crap. If I had a little more disposable income I would have checked into a hotel for the weekend because I don’t think that I have ever felt more like running away. But the coffee shop is going to have to cut it. When I got settled into my regular spot I noticed that someone had put some flowers in the corner which was a really nice surprise. Sometime’s it’s the little things that matter.

There have been so many people that have mentioned how well I am handling the Timmy situation, and most of the time I am handling the situation as well as I can. But today my anger got the best of me. Some days life can get messy, thankfully there is tomorrow because I need a do over for today.