Making A Life

This blog post isn’t about making anything, except the best of a bad situation.  I feel like I have been challenged far beyond my means.  I feel like I am tackling a mountain.  The climbing will be tough, but once I reach the peak I hope like hell that the road to recovery will be easy.

Two weeks ago I wasn’t feeling great, I ended up going to emergency.  I have never been to emergency before, and it’s not a very nice place, especially if you are sick.  I was having some pretty specific abdominal pain, and after a call to the nurse line I was convinced that it might be in my best interest to take a trip to the hospital.  Without totally freaking out my husband and kids I suggested that maybe we head over to the hospital, my kids were convinced that we were all going out to dinner.  I want you to picture me in my jammies, hoodie, with a bowl (just in case) leaving the house, I was not at my best.  Either my children aren’t too observant or they are just clueless, but honestly I have never been to a restaurant in my jammies, never.  When we arrive at the hospital the kids are running around in emergency, and I am half asleep waiting my turn in the “red chairs”.  At some point it was decided that I would be better off on my own, and that was in fact the case.  My husband and the kids did in fact go out for dinner.  Only after Logan announced that he wanted to be a Doctor, and hey maybe that will happen.

Skip forward about 4 hours, after being poked, prodded, and drugged I casually asked the ER Doc if he could check on a CT scan that I had at the hospital earlier in the month.  He said sure he would review it, and let me know what it said.  I got dressed in my fancy jammie dinner pants and met him at the computer terminal.  Still on my own, as my husband was waiting for the sitter to arrive so he could come back and claim me.  Standing in the hallway of emergency I heard the words that no one ever wants to hear, EVER.  Words that I hope will haunt me for a long, long time……YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR.

Excuse me come again, did you give me a hallucinogen?  Because I swear that you just told me that I have a brain tumour.  This is one of those times when he should have said, here sit down, I have some bad news for you.  But no, standing in the hallway of emergency surrounded by medical people, and sick people I heard a bunch of medical terms which equate to “you have a brain tumour”.  The ER Doc sort of explained the situation, at least enough that I had some notion of what was going on. I then shuffled out of emergency alone and sat.

I called my husband and told him that I was done.  He asked what was wrong?  So I told him that I went into the hospital with abdominal pains, and I am leaving with a brain tumour.  What the freaking hell?  I though the worst thing that might happen tonight was getting my appendix out, but right now that sounds like a dream.  The abdominal pains are suspected to have been from a cyst that burst, no biggie.

So here I am waiting in the ultimate test of patience.  The next step is seeing my family Dr, who will start the ball rolling as I will need some more tests, and a neurosurgeon.  My hope is for a benign tumour which is easily operable resulting in no long-term complications.  It might seem like a crazy hope to have, but I really want to wish for the best of a bad situation.